I’m not one of those
tall thin men who like show tunes
I’m not that twee
Carousel is
— Les Mis as well is -
living hell for me

’Cause I’m not one of those tall thin men who likes
show tunes
on the West End stage
Ute Lemper
puts me in a temper
and so does Elaine flaming Paige

I would rather go clubbing
than sit through for Phantom or Cats
They’re so sad
I get mad
and never ever wanna
listen to Madonna
singing “Don’t cry for me, Argentina”
Gimme “Get into the groove”
some house or garage
a banging barrage
of mixing to make me move

’Cause I’m the type of a tall thin man who likes no tunes
when I get on one
And in a coma
Oklahoma!
is still too bloody long
I would pay a fine
not to stand in line
just to see Miss Saigon